I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
We have so much sex to catch up on
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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