Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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