How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
