it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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