apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
