Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
