I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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