At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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