Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
