billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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