Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
