You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
