peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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