dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
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