I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
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