"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
