I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
