I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
