y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
