So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
