Where did you get a picture of my penis
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
