I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
