Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
