the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
