my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
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