she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
