hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Randomize
