sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
