i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
