maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Randomize
