i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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