Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
do herpes really smell.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
