Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
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