bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Randomize
