My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
