I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
