dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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