The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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