people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
