He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
