I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
