And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
