My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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