If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
