is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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