he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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