just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
