arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
