Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
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