I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
