Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize