About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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