Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
