I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
