Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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