girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
