Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
