I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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