grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
