omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
