My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Congratulations! We have a period
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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