I need help removing her.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
