tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
