She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
