She is in my trunk
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Randomize
