i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize
