I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
