worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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