Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
why do cheetos always look like penises
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
try to milk me bitch
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
