Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
