I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
