I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I just had sex on a roof
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
