they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
