Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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