Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
