I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize