Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I think I just sharted jello shots
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
