My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Randomize
