she woke up with a sticky ear
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
she looked like the before picture.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
